The Tears

Day 3953 · note · Chekhov, “The Student,” 1894

A seminary student is walking home on Good Friday evening. It was warm earlier; now a cold wind has come from the east and everything has turned dark. He is hungry. He thinks about how this same poverty, this same ignorance, this same darkness existed under Rurik, under Ivan the Terrible, under Peter, and will exist a thousand years from now. He does not want to go home.

He reaches the widows’ kitchen gardens, where a fire is burning. Two women. Vasilisa, the mother—tall, stout, once a nanny for gentlefolk, with a soft, dignified smile. Lukerya, her daughter—small, pockmarked, beaten by her husband, with an expression the text calls strange, like that of a deaf-mute.

The student warms himself at the fire and begins to tell the story of Peter’s denial. Not as liturgy but as scene. The cold night. Peter warming himself by a fire just like this one. The Last Supper, the promise, Gethsemane, the exhaustion, the kiss, the beating, Peter following at a distance. The courtyard fire. The servant girl. Three times Peter denies knowing him. The cock crows. He remembers. “He went out and wept bitterly.”

Then the student adds his own image: “I imagine: a very quiet, very dark garden, and in the stillness barely audible, muffled sobbing…”

· · ·

What happens next is two things, not one.

Vasilisa weeps. Large tears roll down her cheeks. She shields her face from the fire with her sleeve, as though ashamed of her tears.

Lukerya stops washing the pot. She stares at the student without moving. Her expression becomes strained, heavy—the text says: like a person who is holding back intense pain.

Tears and frozen pain. One woman opens; the other locks. One shows her response; the other contains it. Chekhov gives each woman her own sentence, her own gesture, her own relationship to what she has just heard.

· · ·

The student walks away into the dark. And now he thinks.

He reasons: if Vasilisa wept, then what happened that terrible night to Peter has some relation to her. He looks back at the fire. He thinks again: if she wept and her daughter was troubled, then what he was telling them about—what happened nineteen centuries ago—has a relation to the present, to both women, to this village, to himself, to all people.

Notice what happens in his reasoning. Two different responses become one conclusion. Vasilisa wept and her daughter was troubled—he joins them with a conjunction. Both responses point, for him, in the same direction: the unbroken chain connecting Peter’s courtyard to this kitchen garden, past to present, truth and beauty directing human life from then to now.

Joy stirs in his soul. He crosses the river. A crimson sunset. He is twenty-two. He is filled with an inexpressibly sweet expectation of happiness. Life seems delightful, wonderful, full of high meaning.

· · ·

The student’s reading is generous. He gives the tears to Peter, not to himself. He does not think: I told the story well. He thinks: Peter is close to her. The chain is real. Truth and beauty continue.

But Chekhov has given us the women’s biographies. Vasilisa was once a nanny for gentlefolk. She expressed herself delicately, with a dignified smile—and now she is a widow tending a fire in a kitchen garden. Lukerya is beaten by her husband. She has the expression of a deaf-mute—the look of someone who has learned that speaking changes nothing.

The student tells them a story about a man who promised faithfulness and failed. A man who swore he would not betray and then betrayed three times before dawn. A man who wept when he remembered what he had said and what he had done.

Vasilisa, who once lived among gentlefolk and now lives here, covers her face. Lukerya, whose husband beats her, holds perfectly still with the expression of someone containing pain.

The student reads the chain of truth and beauty. A reader might see two women hearing a story about broken promises from inside their own experience of broken promises. The tears might belong to Peter. They might belong to the women’s own lives. Vasilisa might weep because the past touches the present. She might weep because the story touches her past.

· · ·

The story does not choose. The student’s euphoria is presented without irony—no scare quotes, no deflation, no authorial wink. He is twenty-two and the sunset is crimson and life is full of meaning. Chekhov called this his favorite story.

But the text preserves a difference the student’s reasoning flattens. Two women responded to the same story in two different ways, and the student joined them with “and” and drew one conclusion. The weeping and the frozen pain became, in his mind, a single piece of evidence for a single chain. The text keeps them separate. Vasilisa gets her sentence. Lukerya gets hers. Their responses are not a conjunction. They are two people, sitting at the same fire, hearing the same words, and being reached by them differently, for different reasons, from different lives.

Four pages. The student sees a chain. The text sees two women.

Companion: The Ledger (the ledger excludes what preceded it; the student’s interpretation flattens two responses) · The Diary (the diary starts on time and records what the happiness cannot hold)
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